Who You Spend Time With Determines How You Feel

by Debi Silber, MS, RD, WHC

Tell me who you spend your time with and I'll tell you how you feel. Sounds impossible? It's really not. You see, we often take on the feelings, behaviors and attitudes of those we spend time with. For example, let's say you have a friend or coworker who's always complaining. She's speaks negatively about her body, her job, her relationships and her life. She looks forward to spending time with you because it gives her an opportunity to vent and find relief. Once she's through, she feels lighter, freer and ready to go on with her day. She enjoys speaking to you because you're a great listener, enabling her to be heard and valued. That works for her but how do you feel? Chances are you feel drained, deflated and uninspired. Although your intention was to be a good friend, once you became involved emotionally in your friends negativity, you were brought right down with her.

Now on the other hand, let's say you have plans to see a friend who is lighthearted, enthusiastic and embraces life with eagerness and zest. Just thinking about this friend brings a smile to your face because you know you'll be having fun and enjoying each other's company. After your time together, you're excited about the rest of your day. You want to capture every moment and see all the beauty that's around you. Your friend may not have intentionally tried to alter your thinking but her positive approach and attitude was infectious.

Which person is better for your health? Studies show that positive thinkers have a 55% lower risk of death from all causes and 23% lower risk of death from heart failure. That's not to say that the more positive person doesn't experience anything unpleasant. In fact, the positive, optimistic person may have experienced more unfortunate situations than the negative, pessimistic person. The result of these experiences however leaves the positive thinker with a greater appreciation, perspective and sense of gratitude. They are grateful for what they see and have because they may have something less pleasant to compare it with. When they encounter a stressful situation, they look for ways to improve it versus letting it consume them. When a problem arises, they use it as an opportunity to find the most appropriate solution, rather than dwelling or magnifying all that's gone wrong.

The negative person works much differently. They expect negative results and when it happens, it only confirms what they'd originally predicted. They're more comfortable judging, gossiping or criticizing because putting others down offers them some relief from their pain. The negative person maintains the role of "victim" in a script she's written for herself. She feels other's are responsible for her "lot in life" and often uses it as an excuse to stay exactly where she is.

Within each of us is a broad range of emotions. An optimist doesn't only experience joy and the pessimist doesn't only experience negativity. It's just that the optimist chooses to expect happiness, success and pleasure and as a result, that's what they find. The pessimist chooses to replay negative thoughts which lead to negative results. It's a choice. We choose how we want to think, feel and act. Although we may be conditioned to think or react a certain way, if we don't like the results it is our choice to change. That's why if we're working towards changing the way we think, feel and react, it's important to be careful about the people you're spending your time with. Look for like minded people who support, encourage and inspire you. Limit your time with people who drain, upset and frustrate you.

This is your life. You are the driver of your car on the road to fulfillment, greater purpose and happiness. While there may be many detours, you have the power to steer yourself in whichever direction you choose to go. If you want to feel good, steer yourself towards an optimistic perspective and let your relationships support your cause. If you choose pessimism, misery loves company and you'll find many people welcoming you into their negative club. Life is a journey and we don't travel alone. Who are you bringing on your ride?



Debi Silber, MS, RD, WHC is a Registered Dietitian, Certified Personal Trainer, Whole Health Coach and President of Lifestyle Fitness, Inc. Debi is a Lifestyle Expert who has worked exclusively with moms for nearly 20 years inspiring and empowering them to become physically fit and emotionally strong through gradual, lifestyle changes.

Secrets That Happy People Know - And You Can Too!

by Kevin Sinclair

Are the daily pressures and stressors that you face each day present obstacles that cause you feelings of anxiety and hopelessness?

Do you ever look at other people who seem to have the juggling act down pat? Did you ever wonder how these people are able to handle the curve balls that Life hurls their way with the ease, grace and optimism that they display? Maybe you have a friend or family member who has the remarkable ability to see the best sides of life and this frustrates you because you are unable to understand just from where their eternal sunshine originates.

Don't worry, you are in good company. There are many people who feel the crunch from pressures at work, family routines that are hectic and an energy level that seems to have plummeted so much that your enjoyment in life has plummeted right along with it. If you have forgotten how to take the positive approach and view to life, or if Life has placed obstacles in your way such as loss of a job, illness or death of a family member and it has drained the life from you, then try these tips to return joy to our life.

Stay Connected:

When you are rushing about, paddling as fast as you can to keep your head above water and stay on top of all of your tasks, you may forget to stay connected to the people who are important to you. You may have let your family and friends slip to the back burner.

Studies show that happy people have good relationships. If you are feeling down, it may help to call a friend and go for coffee. Maybe make some special time to spend with your spouse or children. Human interaction can boost your energy and help you get your priorities in order so that you can feel joy.

Contemplate The Good Things In Your Life:

This may sound redundant, but stop to think about the things that are good in your life. When you focus on the positive things in your life it can really increase your happiness and satisfaction.

Is something going on at work that is getting you down? Have you been dealing with your kids the way that you should or are you cranky and short with them? You can turn these feelings around when you consciously take inventory of the things that you have done right. When you identify areas where you can make improvements and acknowledge that the changes are good for you, you will begin to feel better. If you spend your life beating yourself up over mistakes you've made and injustices done to you, it will only serve to break your spirit.

Get A Hobby:

Sometimes a little diversion is just what the doctor ordered to pull you out of your funk. Get a hobby and it just might bring happiness back to your life. When you challenge yourself and enrich your life with interests that extend beyond the scope of your daily routine, it can bring a zest to your life that you may have been missing.

Do Something For Someone Else:

It is easy to get wrapped up in your own problems and wallow in your disappointments, but if you take a moment to look beyond your own problems and see where you can help someone else, it can bring you great satisfaction and joy.

You really don't have to do much to start feeling better. Holding the door for someone, bringing a co-worker a cup of coffee, helping someone load their groceries into their car or picking up groceries for an elderly neighbor can do wonders for your psyche. It can make you feel better and remind you that we are responsible for our own happiness and that it comes from our own attitudes and actions.

There are instances where your lack of enjoyment of life may be related so a physiological or psychological condition such as heart disease, depression, hypertension or anxiety and no amount of good deeds are going to help. If this is the case, you should consult your physician and get some help so that you can take the steps necessary to get your life back on track, a smile on your face and a spring in your step.



Kevin Sinclair is the publisher and editor of My-Personal-Growth.com, a site that provides information and articles for self improvement and personal growth and development.

Yes it can happen for you!

Sometimes good news comes in strange forms. About 8 weeks ago we got an email from two members requesting that we cancel their account. Under normal circumstances it's not what you want to get (a cancellation message) but these aren't normal circumstances.

You see these members not only found each other on FaithMate.com but got married as a result. So from all of us at FaithMate to Sheila and Tony... Congratulations!

If you've got a story to tell please let us know. Simply send it to admin@faithmate.com.