1 Corinthians 13:4-7
4: Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant
5: or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;
6: it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.
7: Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
We are all human and sometimes make mistakes in our personal ads and email messages. It is hard to know a person’s heart without first investing a great deal of time and energy in the process. So always try to give people the benefit of the doubt. Typographical mistakes happen. Ask for clarification before you accuse someone of obscenity or harassing you. Look for a pattern of abuse not just one incident or mistake. For example: we occasionally get members requesting that we take down profiles of people who have indicated they’re a man searching for a man or a woman for women. More often then not when we check into it the person involved simply checked the wrong box.
Don’t rush. Review everything before you submit it or send it. You can always change your profile but you can’t take back an email once you’ve sent it.
Be Safe Online
Most of our members are just like you, they just want to sincerely be in touch with others and enjoy the process of meeting a potential faith-mate. With just a few wise safety measures and everyday common sense you can protect yourself from the small number of bad characters that every Christian dating site attracts. Once they’re in place you can then move forward confident that you did everything you needed to do to protect yourself, your privacy, and trust God to do the rest.
Some Simple Precautions
Make sure that you use something like “yournickname@hotmail.com” or “fakename@gmail.com”. To be doubly sure that you remain anonymous don’t put your real name into the address. You don’t have to be a genius to figure out that “ billsmith@yahoo.com” is really Bill Smith. What’s great about setting up this kind of anonymous email is if someone does end up bothering you, you can just dispose of it without any issues for the people who you do want to communicate with.
Never provide your real first and last name in your profile. Keep your contact and location details enlightening yet none specific. For example: “I am the only Doctor in Amherst, New Jersey is not as good as “I’m a Doctor in New Jersey.” inexact is not insincere. It keeps an unwanted online-stranger from being able to track you down.
Always use a nickname in your profile, and when you post a photo, make it a current shot with no identifiable location information visible. Women, keep it conservative not sexy. Men, don’t take the risk of showing your bare, muscular chest...some may think that you are vain, arrogant or just plain in-love-with-yourself. Emphasize your personality. Don’t write or show any information that would allow an online-stranger to track you down. When the time is right, you will share your private information, but not until you choose to do so. If another member cannot wait until you feel comfortable with the relationship and tries to pressure you before you are comfortable doing so, move on!
Don’t rush into making an emotional investment in someone you have just met online until you know exactly whom you are investing in. Infatuation is not love. Love takes time. Slow and steady wins the race. You should plan on keeping the first meeting brief and public. It’s always good to set expectations. Instead of a full blown date why not arrange to meet during the day for coffee or a brief lunch. Then if it isn’t going well you can always leave without either party feeling bad about it.
Don’t feel guilty for leaving early. Trust your instincts, your common sense, etc. That is why God gave them to you. Dishonest communication leading up to the first face-to-face meeting is often the reason this first meeting with an online-stranger does not “go well”. A brief, face-to-face meeting, can quell the pangs of infatuation, and show firsthand how honest you both have been with each other. There is nothing like reality to keep things on the right track. A brief face-to-face meeting within a month or two after your mutual interest in each other becomes apparent will verify their credentials before you invest your trust and emotions in an online-stranger. Not everyone who joins an online Christian dating service is on the up and up. In fact Christians can be overly trusting and naïve at times. Sure, we want to think the best of someone, but remember that until you verify what a person says by meeting their family or friends or pastor, all you really have to go on is what this online-stranger has written or said to you.
Remember you have the right to feel safe, and enjoy the online dating experience without being pressured, harassed or hassled by an online-stranger, or my own sin-nature, or my own feelings of desperation, or family/peer pressure.
Always ask yourself: Does this person sound too good to be true? Does what they have communicated so far make sense to you. Have you been honest with them and yourself? Have you honestly evaluated everything written or said by this online-stranger? Or are you blinded by wanting to hear something or read something into their words that really is not there? Have you been totally honest yourself? God blesses honesty. For God is Truth and Light and in Him there is no darkness.
PHYSICAL SAFETY TIPS:
- Always write down exactly where and when you will be meeting and include the name and contact information of the person you’re going to meet. Then give it to a trusted friend or family member.
- In addition to giving a trusted friend or family member the name and contact information, try to give them a resent photo.. Right-click on their personals-ad-photo to download it to a folder on your PC.
- Always insist on meeting in a public place. Don’t let them pick you up or even know where you live. If your phone number is not unlisted, get a new phone number, or better yet get a cell phone.
- Never leave your purse, wallet or keys unattended. If you go to the restroom take your property with you. Remember, guarding your keys, personal information, etc. is not rude, it is wise.
SPIRITUAL SAFETY.
Who you are spiritually is a very profound part of you. Pray. Pray. Pray. But use your common sense as well. It may sound real “spiritual” to make your first meeting a worship service at your home church, but think again. We all hope and pray that the relationship with this new firend will blossom into a life-long-love. But what if it does not? Meeting at church reveals to this online-stranger exactly where to find you every Sunday. Not to mention the fact that most churches have church directories. Are you in it? Keep your first face-to-face meeting as anonymous and public as possible.. Face it; some of us Christian tend to be far too trusting and naive. Sometimes we live in our “safe” little world, and for the most part, we try to insulate ourselves from the evils of the real world. God does not expect you to drive your car without auto insurance, and God does not expect you to meet an online-stranger without taking every precaution. Using common sense precautions will actually help you relax and enjoy your first “date” or meeting with an online-stranger. May God bless you with much joy and happiness as you seek His perfect will. Finding your special, personal Adam or Eve for a lifetime of happiness can be a very fun process when you exercise a few precautions and common sense.
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